withoutarms17

withoutarms17

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nat

[Sep. 9th, 2004|12:35 am]

[	mood	\|	energetic	]
[	music	\|	howie day - morning after (live)	]

school has been good so far, i think i'm gonna like this year quite a bit. got some cds lately, sigur ros and head automatica really stand out, i love ( ) and decadence, good ass cds.

i asked nat to homecoming last night, w/ yellow roses. byerly's only gave me 11 when i paid for 12, the bastards. she said yes, and i think she liked the flowers, should be a fun time, i don't know exactly where this one will end up goin. either being friends or otherwise would be fine with me...

although i'd prefer the latter

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if you go to webster.com and put in emo

[Aug. 30th, 2004|01:27 am]

[	mood	\|	frustrated	]
[	music	\|	glassjaw - tip your bartender	]

you will see my ugly mug. i don't know what to think. one minute, she's laying in my arms, the next she's tellin me to leave. i didn't even do anything

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chocolate	[Aug. 29th, 2004\|02:44 am]
is making me sick ahhh i'm so high
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today is the 26th day of the 8th month of the year 2004

[Aug. 26th, 2004|01:02 am]

[	mood	\|	pensive	]
[	music	\|	slipknot - duality	]

so i'm dumb for listening to slipknot, but i thought i'd give this album a chance, and i guess it's not that bad.

I still haven't talked to her, and today when i went to her house, the mail i left on the stairs had been moved, and the cat's bowl filled. i am confused. i really don't know how i'm gonna handle this, even though it doesn't seem like a huge deal to most people, it goes entirely against what i believe, which is that nat's the only person i'm into at the moment. i can't help being attracted to michelle, her body is immaculate, but i still have everything i'm looking for in nat. i told nate, who wasn't pissed, which is schweet. it's his bday today, and i gotta get him something, and figure out what we're doing for him. i can't think of anything, and i've known that motherfucker for like 11 years.

I remember this poster we had on the wall at my old house, "Life's little destructions." Listed on it were things you could do to just be a royal asshole, like pee in the swimming pool, reccommend bad car mechanics, etc. One stuck out to me though, "remind friends of stupid things they did 10 years ago." i read that, and was like, damn i'm not even 10 yet. and that was almost 10 years ago. i can't believe it. i can remember stuff that happened 10 years ago, like at my 7th bday party, it was fall, and we hadn't raked, and we had a fucking pinata outside, it was amazing, my parents were soo cool. and now i do everything i can to avoid my mom. i argue about shit i know i'm wrong about, and i'm a hypocrite. haha. i didn't know what anything meant back then. i didn't know what hypocrisy was, or crushes, love, or DRAMA. i think so romantically now. i used to think people who always thought in the past were stupid, but i guess that's another piece of my hypocrisy.

In no way am i saying i'm a bad person. i'm just saying i remember how simple life used to be. when none of this shit used to matter. life is so much harder, you can't help but do the wrong things sometimes. it never makes you a bad person, some things can't be helped.

aaand i just realized how much i wrote, i'm just kinda thinking out loud.

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only one emotion?

[Aug. 23rd, 2004|04:27 pm]

[	mood	\|	confused	]
[	music	\|	radiohead - let down	]

so i'm more than just confused. i'm scared, piss scared. friday night i did something i really regret doing, it seems like nearly every sexual experience i've ever had i end up regretting. i thought we were all alone, but i guess emily saw some of it, and i don't know how much. last night i was stoned as hell and she was antagonizing me about it and i was very confused, and i had no idea what to think. at around 2 last night nat comes and sits down by me, completely trashed, and says "do you like me?" so i was too stoned to do anything but tell the truth, so i said yes. she just walked away and pretended like it never happened. stoned corey and drunk nat do not mix. so that's what's been on my mind, and i really don't know what to do because i barely remember doing it, and i don't think michelle does either. i just want to cut all of the bullshit and make everything the least awkward possible. i don't know how i'm gonna do that, i think i'm just gonna come totally clean to nat, but she's leaving for her cabin for a couple days today. and school starts in 9 days. it's insane. it can't.

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cds

[Aug. 19th, 2004|02:17 am]

[	mood	\|	lethargic	]
[	music	\|	death cab for cutie - tiny vessels	]

soooo, i'm bored.

cds i've bought since like may:

30 seconds to mars - 30 seconds to mars

40 below summer - invitation to the dance

beloved - failiure on

beloved - running EP

coheed and cambria - in keeping secrets of silent earth:3

coheed and cambria - second stage turbine blade

dead poetic - four wall blackmail

dead poetic - new medicines

death cab for cutie - transatlanticism

from autumn to ashes - too bad you're beautiful

glassjaw - everything you ever wanted to know about silence

howie day - stop all the world now

jimmy eat world - static prevails

jimmy eat world - clarity

jimmy eat world - bleed american

letterkills - bridge

lostprophets - start something

massive attack - protection

motion city soundtrack - I am the movie

onelinedrawing - visitor

radiohead - the bends

rush - moving pictures

skywind - under cloud 9

skywind - rain songs live

slipknot - vol. 3: the subliminal verses

sparta - porcelain

taking back sunday - tell all your friends

the mars volta - de-loused in the comatorium

the stills - logic will break your heart

tool - opiate

underoath - the changing of times

underoath - they're only chasing safety

i'm not really tryin to impress anyone, just sorta a mental list.

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we all

[Aug. 15th, 2004|03:15 am]

[	mood	\|	cynical	]
[	music	\|	remover - stop the bleeding	]

just so y'all know, this is all gonna be about me not being able to say what i want to say when i want to say it, and my frustration with this fact.

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first

[Aug. 15th, 2004|02:32 am]

[	mood	\|	apathetic	]
[	music	\|	the postal service - such great heights	]

so, uh i have another diary, and this was my last entry:

i really don't think i could write out a synopsis of every day on here. i'm not interesting enough.

however, if i were to write down all of my daily paranoid thoughts, i could write more than everyone on this website put together. i gotta figure out what i'm really thinking sometime and like write it down. i gotta figure out what i really wanna do, and right down and make a pact w/ myself to do it, rather than either forget, or puss out.

i think i might be fucking insane.

that was earlier tonight

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